Emotional freedom isn't as scary as we are taught to believe it's not about removing the feelings and emotions we have and elminating them forever. It's about learning to move through them in a way that gives us a sense of mastery over them.
Too many times we, as humans, are caught in our thoughts and feelings and they hold us back from living the life we deeply desire. Whether it's finding love, changing careers, leaving a difficult marriage or making a tough decision, or simply wanting to follow that niggling inside that tells us something's "off," but we don't know what and we don't listen because we hear that pain of the emotional mind chatter screaming inside our heads.
And if we've gone through any kind of trauma, well that chatter screams even louder and longer and it's hard to quiet that voice down. But to begin really gaining mastery over how to turn the volume down on that raging voice and train it to become the "friend" it can be versus the "foe" it wants to be, we have to pay attention to a few things first. Below are three steps you can take now to begin learning how to have mastery over your feelings and thoughts:
1. Awareness is really the key to mastery! So, if you struggle with identifying what you're thinking or feeling at any given time, especially when you're caught in the intensity of it, this is the best place to start. Write down all the feelings and thoughts that just won't leave you alone when you are feeling something intensely. Doesn't matter how much you write...just write it all down.
2. This next step may sound silly, but it is important! Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings as being ok. Give yourself permission that it's ok to feel the way you do...even if no one else does! If you're feeling unheard, or underappreciated, or even dismissed by someone, tell yourself it's perfectly "perfect" that you feel what you feel! If you can, looking in the mirror as you give yourself this permission will be even more powerful. The trick here is that in the acknowledging, YOU take your power back for what you're feeling as opposed to laying the blame on someone else. This may come as a surprise, and please don't shoot the messenger here, but NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL ANYTHING - THEY CAN ONLY TRIGGER WHAT'S ALREADY THERE! So acknowledge...lovingly.
3. Then after you feel comfortable in acknowledging all of your thoughts and feelings, EVEN IF your mind is still questioning this or running a commentary of how/why you feel these feelings or have these thoughts, ask yourself this question: "If my thought or feeling was like a blanket covering up a deeper feeling or emotion underneath, and I just peeled back a tiny little corner of it, what might be hanging out underneath this?"
This may seem difficult at first to do, but I assure you that with practice, it will become easier to identify the pesky thoughts/feelings lingering underneath the surface.
A great example would be: "I'm angry because my partner wasn't listening to me and I need his/her help with this decision." Ok, now look at the fact that you are aware of how you're feeling and what some of your thoughts are (I probably would have been swearing under my breath before I learned how to be friends with my thoughts and feelings when they're intense), you've acknowledged that it's ok to feel what you feel, (whether it's "right or wrong" makes no difference because it's what YOU ARE feeling at that moment that matters!), and now peel back the blanket and whoa...what's really under there when you keep peeling that blanket back? Is it really that you're hurt that your partner was dismissive and didn't seem to care or hear what you felt or thought? BUT, is this THE truth? Or is it just YOUR truth at that moment? Sure, your partner may not have been listening, but it's the meaning you assigned it and doing this exercise again and again will help you destroy the meaning your mind has been taught to believe is THE truth. See how this works?
Practice, be gentle with yourself, and over time it will get easier and easier. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions are all a part of our daily lives and there are ways to navigate through them so they no longer cause us to feel pain in the intensity that holds us back. So be patient and kind to yourself...you deserve it!!
If you've found this helpful, even a little, please feel free to share it with anyone you think might benefit. The world needs love and compassion right now, more than ever, and we all don't have to be held prisoner by our own pasts and then hide in the shadows because of it...we can break free and more people need to realize they truly do hold the key. Come on over to www.SusanDascenzi.com if you want to learn more.
Wishing you love and joy, Susan