Hmmm...interesting paradox to life

This is a blog post I originally wrote back in early 2013. It started off about my blogging experiences at that point, but it turned into something much deeper and more profound. I just found it...funny how the internet is! Saves EVERYTHING! Just like our own mind saves all the memories of our past! And in light of everything going on today, I thought it was pretty appropriate to post this again. Enjoy! I noticed something interesting in thinking about my next blog posting. I realized that I’m not really regular with this blog – exactly two times per week or even on the same day each week. I noticed that my posts don’t really look any different from each other – some writing and a picture (remember, I’m still learning this blogging thing and how to make it look different, interesting, etc. – huge amount to learn out there about this! LOL!). I also noticed that my posts are pretty long – at least compared to other blogs I’ve seen and based on advice some people have given me about length.

It got me thinking… How much was I comparing my blog to others? What was my purpose for writing this blog? Why was I spending so much time “trying” to learn “how-to” blog that I wasn’t posting? What was I afraid would happen if no one liked what I had to say or didn’t agree?

I realized these questions really are a part of the language we use daily in ALL aspects of our lives. The situations and circumstances just look a little bit different. These are the commentaries we hear running through our head. The mind chattering at us in an extremely loud voice on some occasions and at other times it is barely a whisper. I realized that many of us spend SO much time comparing ourselves to others and other situations: “Is this good enough?” (compared to who or what?);  “I need to lose weight because then I will be…” (again, compared to what bar? Whose standard?); “Will they like me as much as they like so-and-so?” (another comparison). We are seeming to look for those signs and signals that we are just as “good” as someone else based on what we think they are. Just like I was looking at other blogs for an understanding of how “typical” blogs look or are written and yet I forgot in the “researching” that I’m not those other people – I am ME and so I’m going to write MY blog! Yes, I can use those other blogs as guidelines, but it still has to come from me right? We also spend SO much time wondering our purposes in doing half the things we do.  We ask the “WHY” questions all the time: “Why did he say that?” “Why did she do that?” “What did that mean when…” I’ve learned that these WHY questions, although important to ask (at times) in order to understand ourselves from a deeper reflective place, serve no purpose. They – confuse us. They – create the underlying “program codes” that are running consciously and subconsciously that create the self-doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, worry, comparison, not-good-enough’ness, lowered self-esteem and self-worth that many of us feel. They – serve to lead us into that place of non-clarity that only furthers to turn up the volume on that mind chatter. In that “why” phase, we then turn to the “how to” phase. If I KNOW “how-to” something, then I’ll be just as good as others right?  Or I’ll be well-received? Or I will get that job?  Or I will find that love of my life? Or…..blah, blah, blah. The volume is turned up again. I spent so much time “trying” to learn “how to” blog that I wasn’t posting anything! That word “try” is a horrible word – just like the word “but” and “should.” I have heard through the years that the word “try” is really a state of commitment and non-commitment. It is not definitive – it is questionable.  I believe that completely. Let me give you a quick example: I am “trying” to lose weight (that’s what I tell myself as I shove that cupcake into my mouth right?) Really Sue – you are trying? How? The truth is: I am either losing weight or I am not. If I am losing weight, then I have participated in activities that day/week/month that allowed me to drop some weight. If I did not lose weight, then I was engaged in activities that prevented me from doing that. I am either committed to engaging in something or I am not.  TRY is simply an excuse to not have to commit fully – completely. It is a justification we use because we are afraid of that failure thing again. It’s our excuse to not dive deep and head on into something we are uncertain about. And the words “but” and “should”? Ok, I’ll save that for another post! 🙂 And finally, in that fear of no one responding positively to my blog, I realized that I was still just looking for that validation that I had something valuable to share. If I didn’t write the blog the way others did, if it didn’t follow the “typical” guidelines, if it didn’t get followed by others, then it would be a clear indication that I had nothing of value to offer others…right?  BUT (and one of the few times I’ll use that word) it truly doesn’t “mean” any of that! Here’s my truth: I am not writing to become famous. I am not writing with the sole intent of monetizing this blog because I think I'll make loads of money. I am not writing for ANY other reason other than passion! Passion to share learned experiences, viewpoints, perspectives, ideas, inspirations, dreams, and feelings with those who can identify.  I am being ME. I am BEING myself and not comparing this blog, or these ramblings, or these perspectives, with anyone or anything else because no one but me has written this.   I have learned in just these four blog posts (was only four at the time of writing this one 7 years ago!), and this new world of blogging, that it makes no difference if my blog looks like others, sounds like others, or is received the same. It’s just like us in life – we are all individual, unique, special, important, valuable, and worthy of bringing our messages, our voices, our perspectives, our ideas, and our idiosyncrasies to the table and laying it all out.  The smorgasbord of us as humans will be tasted by none, a few, many, or a whole bunch...and it makes no difference.  TOGETHER, we all make the table a beautiful sight to look at. We all create the infinite choices offered to everyone so that we can decide what lens to view humanity through. I, for one, am grateful. What a beautiful humanity we truly are…even when that mind chatter is “trying” to tell us otherwise. I am grateful for the gift of awareness that we are ALL a part of that lens to view the world through. And I am deeply grateful for the gift of YOU...because your presence in my life allows me to choose a lens that makes the world just a little more beautiful each day! Namaste World, Susan 

Susan L. Dascenzi, MSW, VSTCLP, LCSW

708.414.0783

14813 Parkside Avenue~Oak Forest, IL 60452

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